Red i Clan: Killohead

The Indie Review

By Derik Hefner

March 14, 2008

Artist: Red i Clan
Album: Killohead
Label: Unsigned
Rating:

According to the Red i Clan’s Myspace page, “a RED i CLAN show is best described as an all out sensory attack.” If their live show is an accurate reflection of Killohead, I don’t doubt this for one second.

Before getting into a proper review of this album, I would like to tell the Red i Clan, in all sincerity, from the very bottom of my heart… thank you. You are the reason I review music. Why, you ask? Because I’ve noticed a phenomenon in the music world, particularly the continent of the music world inhabited by unsigned bands. You see, no one knows how to be honest to musicians. Rule of thumb: “Wow, did you write that?”, “You guys have a sound all your own,” and “How long have you been playing [guitar/drums/bass/keyboards]?” are all euphemisms for “Your music is like the soundtrack to an unanesthetized frontal lobotomy, performed with eyelids held open by toothpicks while watching a Kevin Trudeau infomercial marathon… but I’ve known you since high school, so I don’t have the heart to break it to you.” But I haven’t known the Red i Clan since high school, and I’ve been asked to give my honest opinion on their music. With that in mind, let me say it again: Thank you Red i Clan. Thank you for giving someone the opportunity to tell you the truth. Thank you for letting someone save some unsuspecting consumer from shelling out hard-earned cash for this sonic offense. Thank you for justifying IndieUprising as being the first line of defense against bad music reaching the masses.

So long as you either

A) take this advice for what it is, and work to improve your craft before blindsiding the world with music like Killohead again or

B) chalk it up as a loss and never ever touch another musical instrument in your life… you have done the world a favor.

And now for the review. I’m not going to spend much time on this. I’ve heard enough, and I have better things to do. Long story short, here’s a band who claims “Aphex Twins” (yeah… plural) and Nine Inch Nails as influences… you know the type. I’m all about Aphex Twin (singular) and Trent Reznor, but for the love of God why do horrible bands have to claim influences like that, as though it will actually make them sound better? You can’t polish a turd, no matter what kind of gourmet meal you had for lunch. I mean come on, the lyrics on this thing…

“brown milk sucking from a nipple / yeah, yeah, let it always trickle”

… the hell??? Sure not all the lyrics are quite that— well, I don’t even know what the word for that would be— but there is nothing redeeming this album at all. Unless you count the unintentional laughs.

Although I have to say, there is one line that reaches a level of truth and honesty that I don’t think Sor (that’s right, the musical prodigy behind this debacle is named “Sor”) even counted on:

“yeah I play my song and it won’t be long for your ears to bleed”

If you have any compassion at all for the human race, please take a page from Big Tobacco’s playbook and print this lyric on the packaging of your CD.

I want the last half hour of my life back. And then I want the next two hours of my life back, which I will be spending trying to get right with God. Because I’m pretty sure it’s a sin to listen to music this bad.

Stand Out Tracks:

Uuuuuuuuuuuuh . . .